Try this One Game to Help Children Feel Safe and Secure Instantly

Children Look for Safety and Security from their Parents

According to Sophia Giblins, Play Therapist and Co-Founder of Treasure Time, “Children’s sense of psychological safety comes from their parent’s and caregiver’s ability to be secure and stable for them.

When children see us acting in ways that are driven by fear, it can compromise their sense of psychological safety. Because suddenly, things are different and unpredictable. Our moods aren’t predictable. Children may see us being fearful.

Some children will up-regulate when they feel unsafe, behaving in ways that make them bigger, louder, and more noticeable. Behaviours some call “attention-seeking” but are actually “attachment seeking”. They need us to see them and long for connection to help them feel secure.

Some children might down-regulate their behaviour, retreating internally and go quiet. That’s maybe what you would call “clingy” children sticking to their parents and feeling more emotional than usual. There are all kinds of behaviours.  

And I think the thing that we need to distinguish really is what’s fear-driven behaviour, because children are never just “naughty”. They’re always communicating a real need.”

Try this One Game to Help Children Feel Safe and Secure Instantly

Sophia adds, “There’s a lovely game that will help children to feel safe and calm, and that is building a den.

It sounds like the simplest thing that you could do. But children will create their own little sense of safety within a physical space, particularly within the home.

So, what we can do is create a little space within the home that is extra safe, that children can make themselves or they can make with you. And in that space, you can create a lovely nurturing environment with them.

There are all sorts of psychological reasoning for creating a den.

It’s like creating a little womb space. It’s physical and emotional safety. And if you use that space as a nurturing space too, maybe do things like reading stories, or you could even do your splat paintings or play doh in there. It’s like it provides an extra layer of sheltering for the children.

Nicole McDonnell, Co-Founder of Treasure Time responded to this, “That’s great. I think that’s so interesting. My boys chose to build a den under the kitchen table this week, and they spent a good 40 minutes playing excitedly and made a massive den. They got the blankets, pillows, and throws, chairs, and brought the camping torches to use inside.”

Sophia added, “That’s part of the play! It’s so interesting because children will do what they know they need to in play. They would choose to play in a way that makes them feel safe. And part of that 40 minutes of building is 40 minutes of creating safety in it, from a psychology point of view or from a play point of view, that is the play.

The actual building of the den symbolises the creation of safety, and everything that comes afterwards is nurturing that sense of security.”

Looking for more support for your children to improve emotional regulation and bonding? Sophia and Nicole from Treasure Time teamed up with Aybe to deliver a treasure trove of play tools within our app. Check out more quality play time ideas for you and your child within the Tools section of our app!